Cyber City, Gurgaon
- The lollipop lady must have met with a sticky end; it’s every man for himself! This is the so-called ‘pedestrian crossing’.
I don’t want to sound like Craig David, so I’m not planning on telling you what I did on each day this week: that would be dull. I didn’t have a bath on Monday in any case. Come to think of it, I’m not sure Mr David did, either.
So, my first few days at work. I thought I had experienced the most ridiculous road chaos ever experienced, but I wasn’t prepared for my first day of rush hour in Gurgaon. Picture some sort of weird mash-up of the Italian Job with Gran Turismo; add the obligatory animals, rickshaws and cyclists, and you are a small way there. I can think of a few nervous passengers (you know who you are) back in Scotland who might just wet themselves if they came out here.
I was given a very warm welcome in the office, and I think having the name ‘Mo’ makes it nice and easy for everyone. Unfortunately, I was introduced to about ten people within the space of 30 seconds, and I will probably spend the rest of my time here trying to work out their names – I’m struggling with the more unusual names and it’ll take me a while to get into the swing of it. Bring back desk signage – I need it! I think I called one lovely woman ‘Sweaty’ for the entire morning, before I finally sneaked a look at her security badge and revised my pronunciation to ‘Swati’. I think that’s the way Invernesians say ‘sweaty”, actually, so she’s probably still offended (if she thinks I’m from Inverness). There doesn’t seem to be a policy on incredibly annoying mobile phone ringtones in the office, and the bloke who sits behind me lets his phone ring for ages before answering, presumably because he loves, and thinks everyone else will also enjoy, hearing the intro to ‘Careless Whisper’ at full blast. Sadly, he’s obviously a popular man, and this screeching interruption takes place at least once every ten minutes. I think I might change my ringtone to ‘Enter Sandman’ and see if I can start a song-war in the office. It’s funny; I thought there would be more ex-pats out here, but I am literally the only white person in the office! It’s strange to be the minority (not ‘one of’ the minority, but ‘the’ minority) for once in my life, but that’s a good thing to experience.
I was told it would take at least a week to set up an email account, and two weeks to get a local Blackberry. Me: “No problem! I’ll just sit and connect to your wifi and use my own account.” Them: “Mam, we don’t have wifi.” Me: “No problem! I will make clever (albeit expensive) use of my iPhone tethering function and connect to the 3G network”. “There is only patchy 3G network coverage in here”. That’s when I started getting major heart palpitations. It’s amazing how little can be achieved when there is no internetting to be done.
I had a wander round Cyber City, and decided to walk to the other client building in the area. What should have taken 5 minutes took me 15 as I attempted for the first time to cross a road. There was a ‘pedestrian crossing’ but there is absolutely no right of way for pedestrians, despite the notices. Taking the first step was akin to Indiana Jones taking his ‘leap of faith’ in the Last Crusade, so after trembling on the grass for a while I just shut my eyes and stepped out into the traffic – it worked! I shall use that technique religiously from now on. It’s been nice knowing you, folks!
My host for the first day explained a little more about the area and why it is the way it is. It’s quite obvious, really: when all the big UK and US companies invested in Gurgaon, it was to take advantage of the cheap labour, which is why the modern office blocks were erected in what had always been a poor part of New Delhi. This has led to the rise of modern office blocks contrasting with the surrounding poverty. The new Metro overhead rail system, which is still under construction here, has ploughed its way through the humble dwellings of the long-time residents. In the UK, protestors would have sat it out for months when the diggers came; here, occupants were given a matter of hours (days at the most) to relocate their flimsy shacks to make way for the new rail system. They seem very resourceful, however, and reconstructed dwellings have sprung up a few feet away from the concrete pillars of the Metro overhead.
I also experienced my first of the famous power cuts at 11pm the other night (and I’ve had plenty more since). This happens a lot, apparently, when the massive power surges cause major outages across Delhi. I think it’s worse in summer when folk come home from work and jack up the air conditioning, but the power supplies are pretty dodgy all year round, apparently. My immediate thought when the power cut out was, “the fences are down! Hordes of marauding monkeys will invade my pan cupboards!”, but then I realised I was confusing reality with a simian-inspired Jurassic Park nightmare…I guess this Sula wine is stronger than I thought.
Now, here’s a thing which is driving me a bit nuts (and non-modern men of weak disposition may wish to skip the next paragraph, but lassies who intend to travel to India need to know this): I have been searching high and low for…er…ladies ‘things’. OK, let’s just dispense with the euphemisms; I’ve been looking for tampons. TAMPONS! There. I’ve said it. Now, why on earth do pharmacies (or, indeed, any other shops), not stock such things? They are happy to sell hair-removing cream, ladies’ moustache-bleach, all sorts of depilatory items and other ‘downstairs’-related effects (not that I’m suggesting anyone should use moustache-bleach down there), but no TAMPONS! I managed to find 8 (and that’s 8 in total, not 8 boxes) after visiting around 6 separate pharmacies in the last few days. What on earth is all that about? Nobody told me this! Looks like I’ll need to bring an extra suitcase with me from the UK next time I’m over, and fill it full…and then hope said suitcase isn’t left out in the rain while waiting to board at Heathrow, otherwise there could easily be a major over-expanded-cotton-related security incident. Oh, and another thing – I went to a pharmacy today to get some deodorant, and the assistant said “No, mam” and sniggered! So, entering a pharmacy is a bit like walking into a parallel universe (circa 1986 at boarding school) where certain things just cannot be mentioned. Harrumph.
So, looking ahead to the weekend – I’m off to have dinner with Sue, Keith and another girl they know who apparently knows the best places for haircuts, nails and pampering, so I’m looking forward to that immensely. I know, I know, I should just let it all hang out and dispense with the girly stuff, but I just can’t! Not yet, anyway. Give me a few months.
P.S. Struggling to transfer photos from my phone, for some reason, but I promise I’ll get some images up here soon. x
Mo, Frank & Georgian India 